I've searched and searched the web for this to no avail, so, having an (unofficial) copy of it, sent to me years ago by a friend, I thought I'd post this: (Special thanks to Rebel) Edit: On January 5, 2006, I finally found and acquired an "Official" copy. See it HERE
The Toy Boy
by John Lennon
“I don’t believe a word of it
I think it’s too absurd of it
It’s just an old wives tale, I bet,
The softest and the silliest yet
Imagine if it walked and that
Surely it would crush us flat
It’s such a giant thing you know
And all in all it goes to show
How stupid can you be?”
This was Ralph the elephant
Talking loud and eloquent
Bossing all the bears and cats
All the shoes and policemen’s hats
Shouting down the old wise shoe
Who thought he was the one who knew
“I don’t care what you say to me
I’ve been on his foot you see!”
And he had!
“I’ve heard it squeaking,” said the horse,
“Though I can’t be sure of course
I could have sworn it climbed on me
When I was asleep you see!”
“What nonsense!” Ralph replied at length,
“Do you think it has the strength?
I call this meeting to a close
All in favor raise their nose
We’ll take a vote!”
“Unfair! Unfair!” the toys all said,
“Shoes and hats they have no head!”
“How can they vote, I ask you now!”
Said the brown but friendly cow.
“We’ll wait until the break of day
To prove the truth in what we say.”
“Agreed! Agreed!” said Sidney Shoe
Who thought he was the one who knew.
He probably was.
The clock struck eight as clocks will do
At eight o’clock that’s nothing new
Except that this one never could
Unless you asked it if it would.
The clock obligingly conferred –
“I will not chime unless I’m heard!”
He was an artiste so you see
He didn’t like to chime for free.
You know how it is.
As it struck the room went dead
A little voice came from the bed
“Is anybody there?” it spoke,
“Or is this someone’s kind of joke?
I could have sworn I heard a voice
Maybe Grannie made the noise
In her early waning fit
As she gets her ciggie lit
But I doubt it”
“It must have come from over there
From my toys beneath the chair
I can’t believe it but it’s true
Somebody has moved my shoe!
The one I got from Uncle Tom
Who said he needed only one.
And Sidney Shoe and Carol Cow
They must have moved, I wonder how
It’s most peculiar.”
“I think I ought to tell my dad,
I have no secrets,” said the lad,
“And mother she’s a right to see
All this nonconformity.”
And so he went and told them a
And suddenly he felt so small
Because they took him in the car
To see that awful Doctor Par
Who certified him
There you are!
Edit: On January 5, 2006, I finally found and acquired an "Official" copy. See it HERE