Presidents' Day

Many of our presidents are remembered for the insightful and inspiring words they spoke:

George Washington: "The time is near at hand which must determine whether Americans are to be free men or slaves."

Abraham Lincoln: "Fourscore and seven years ago..."

Teddy Roosevelt: "Speak softly and carry a big stick."

John F. Kennedy: "And so, my fellow Americans... ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."

William Jefferson Clinton: "I experimented with marijuana a time or two... I didn't inhale." and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."

With that in mind, I offer, as my observance of Presidents' Day, this little ditty / history lesson:

Monica Lewinsky
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Play LoFi mp3 (dial-up)

by snoupi

Monica Lewinsky
Tara Lipinski
I've always had trouble remembering names.

When I first heard the news
I was so confused.
I heard that our pres was with what-was-her-name;
That cute little skater?
With that old masterb... beguiler?
She was only fifteen, what a crime and a shame!

Now, I see you shake your head and say that I'm confused;
That is not the crime of which our president was accused!

No, Monica Lewinsky,
I mean, Tara Lipinski
Won an Olympic gold medal, an ice skating star!
But Tara Lipinski,
I mean, Monica Lewinsky
Won fame for what she did with the president's cigar!

She smoked it in a most peculiar way.
And told Linda Tripp how she'd been led astray.

Ken Starr, the old fogey,
He wanted that stogie;
He wanted to put Mr. Clinton in jail.
But Bill wasn't guilty
Of anything filthy;
He didn't really have sex, 'cause he didn't...

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inhale.

The Lord Helps Those...

I don't know if anyone saw this onTV or in the papers earlier. I found this story inspiring:

from The Columbus Dispatch January 29, 2007

Robbers pick the wrong church

We certainly have been changed in the aftermath of 9/11.

This song came from that inspiration -- rough draft for now:

The Lord Helps Those...

Play HiFi (broadband)
Play LoFi (dial-up)

words and music by Tony Provencher

Once upon a Sunday morn

In Columbus Ohio

Bob and Carol rose from bed

To worship they would go.

Father Michael said his sermon;

The basket passed around;

And just before the bread was broke

Carol heard a rustling sound.

The woman sitting next to her

Had stolen Carol’s purse.

When Bob rose to defend his wife

The woman yelled a curse.

The man who had come with her,

He pulled out a gun.

He pistol-whipped poor Bob and said

These words when he was done:

The Lord helps those who help themselves.

We’ll help us to our fill.

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

This pistol says we will.

So hand over your wallets,

Your bags and purses too.

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

We’ll help ourselves to you.

But while the thieves were gathering

The bags and wallets too.

A fire stirred up in the hearts

Of people in the pews.

"Let’s roll," the voices rumbled,

The ghosts of Flight 93;"

Let’s roll; the Lord helps those who help..."

"Let’s roll! Get off your knees!"

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

‘Let’s Roll’ our battle cry --

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

Let’s roll; let’s do or die!

Those thieves cannot imagine

That we would ever dare...

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

Those thieves don’t stand a prayer!

And so they rolled into the thieves,

While others used their phones.

They rushed and threw the gunman down;

The woman ran alone.

They held the gunman down

As the police sirens wailed

The thieves were put in handcuffs then

And taken off to jail.

Bob went to the Hospital;

Got stitches, nothing worse.

Carol said a prayer of thanks

For getting back her purse.

The congregation gathered

For services delayed.

Then Father Michael broke the Bread

And grateful prayers were prayed.

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

You can pray your woes away --

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

But it’s not in the words you say --

Just hold on to your bootstraps

And give a tug or two --

The Lord helps those who help themselves --

It’s in the things you do.

Amen.